


All my friend's are crazy ( but I'm no different )

by EdibleWaffleBites



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Gen, Kyouko eats apples as she has an existential crisis, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24923062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdibleWaffleBites/pseuds/EdibleWaffleBites
Summary: Sakura Kyouko takes a hard long look at where she is in the universe and her place between her friends- or what's left of them that is.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	All my friend's are crazy ( but I'm no different )

Kyouko sat at the edge of a structure as she watched over the Mitakihara town, tossing a few good apples into the air before nabbing one and taking a furious bite. Apple juice dribbled down her chin and the sweetness filled her mouth, but her hand trembled as she held the apple. How can something continue to be so sweet in such a worthless world such as so?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, calming her tremors as she took another bite from the apple. A cold front blew across her hair, causing her to force her free hand to brush off stray ends so she can continue contemplating with the apple. "Ugh, why is everyone a mess." She grumbles.

"First, Mami-San," Kyouko sighs recalling her mentor and old friend, "is a two-faced idiot and can't handle reality. How many timelines has she died out of fear? Killed us even? Thrown herself down because she thought she was doing the right thing?" she hums, getting a sting of pain into her skull as she recalls the past and future of her dear friend Tomoe's fate, leaving a bitter taste in her throat, "that idiot. She feared to die alone, what a stupid waste of a miracle." Kyouko calms herself, realising the core in her palm, winging her arm back and launching it forward, tossing the core as far as she could before grabbing another apple. She recalls the frivolous memories from different times where they were good friends, then times they were enemies heading separate directions, and other times where Mami is the last thing on Kyouko's mind, "Her fate is to die as forgettable and worthless as many times as possible, go figure."

Her free hand tapped on the cold concrete, raising the apple to her mouth before pausing to eye on it for a moment, sighing at the small tricks her brain could be playing she took a bite nonetheless.

"Then Miki-San," Her eyes twinge in annoyance over the blue healer, yet she began to chew slowly and softly as she knew she couldn't exactly blame that girl, "She just wanted to play hero and be praised for her life, but once karma ignored her and gave her heartache in return that idiot went off and turned into a witch," she tried to sit comfortably as she continued talking to herself, "stupid Sayaka, a miracle is worth more than healing some orchestra kid's shallow dreams or whatever he is." She grew bitter recalling all the countless timelines and dreams she had of Miki dying in her arms, the times Kyouko had to fight her to _the death_ , and those times where Kyouko had decided to die with her. Was it out of pity? Fear of turning into a witch as well? Whatever it was, no one would have done the same for her, but Kyouko accepted that fact. "At least her wish didn't cause anyone to die," she mumbled, recalling her selfish wish.

She picked on the apple seeds and watch it fall down the stories til it disappeared from her sight, a small thought wondering it'll grow into a sapling or a be eaten by some bird. The thought died off as she continued her existential complaints.

"As for Madoka," she bit her lip, recalling all the memories she could have with that girl but left speechless at how much she barely knows her, "Ah, naive Madoka," she sings a low hum as her mind drifts on the frail pink-haired girl she knew over and over, "She was a fairytale come true," she said in a hushed tone, almost envious of the girl for being the hero- one that she could never achieve, "She's obedient, though she's a downer at times." Again, she closed her eyes and breathed in, trying to envision all the memories that could have and may have existed at some point, the times Madoka fought side by side with her as magical girls, the time they were against each other as she begged for Kyouko's apologies, and the times where she stayed in the shadows only to watch Kyouko from afar... were those times out of fear? Or her way of apologising? Kyouko shook her head, "she ended up becoming a God and put up with everyone's despair, honestly, she's the kind of person my father would've liked," she smiled to herself earnestly, though the thought depressed her in many ways.

The last thought made her choke, just thinking about the name given her unbridled anger and sadness. Kyouko barely noticed the last apple falling over the edge of the structure until she noticed it tipping off, quickly she transformed and grabbed her spear, piercing the apple midair, feeling a bit ridiculous for transforming over such a menial inconvenience. Trying to keep her dignity though, she lowered her spear to the tip and tried to eat the apple from there, the juice trickling down the handle and into her fingertips, but there's no room for complaint. The idea of wasting a perfectly good apple was too much to bear.

"And that Homura," Kyouko seethed as she recalls that girl, "I don't know what she saw in me to always find me, either to vent or rant or to glare at. Out of all the possible timelines, why does she talk to me to shoulder her pain? And then toss me away just so she can save Madoka without a second thought?" the idea almost hurt, but it didn't matter as much. Homura's wish-- albeit more of a curse-- was to always protect that girl, time and time again Akane Madoka is always in that empty shell of a human's mind, "Of course she goes to me. Mami-chan hates her because she's different to Mami, Sayaka distrusts her because Homura is indifferent, and Madoka barely remembers her each time. Where does that leave me? Someone's damn therapist," she laughed to herself, trying hard not to feel sorry but her power to empathise with people gets the best of her sometimes. "In the end, at some timeline, she turns into a witch and, worse, a demon, all because of how selfish she is. Not like I can blame her." She bit into the apple, stopping halfway before laying it to rest for a moment as she stares intensely at it.

She tapped on her chin as she looked up into the sky, the stars shining as she grins, licking her snagger tooth in thought, "So, this magical girl group consists of a girl who fears abandonment and yet dies a sad magical girl death; a lovesick idealistic who was never satisfied and turned into a witch; a quiet self deprecative girl turns out to be selfless and becomes a God; and Miss Groundhog-Day that was sickenly selfish she turned into a Demon," she laughs in amusement at how funny it could have been if it wasn't the saddest story she had to live through over and over, "What does that make me? I feel like, no matter how many times I relive these moments and have to shoulder everyone's guilt, I will always be left in the shadows and never truly know anything," her smile was quivering now, trying to force this inspection of her character in some positive light, but in the end, she felt her eyes burn as it threatened to spill the heart that carried too much, but never enough.

Yes, she's crying, and she was never a good crier. Once her throat tightened and the tears rolled, there wasn't a point in ignoring it. She's ignored them for so many lifetimes now, and know that there is a chance this world she knows now could disappear and her existence becomes obsolete and that what Kyouko knows and feel for now could unravel, that gave her comfort. Kyouko laid to her side, gagging uncontrollably in her spit and tears, felt her heart emptying, even for a moment. That crying til her lungs turn into flames but she won't remember and the universe will rewrite over this small, insignificant moment, gave her the sentiment she needed to persevere, even for five minutes, or a dozen lives she will have to face. This is what it meant to be a magical girl, she thought to herself, as she sniffled and laughed awkwardly.

"You humans always tend to think and feel in such a short amount of time," a small voice appears, but it's a voice that Kyouko is too accustomed to caring for, "I just don't know how you can differ so much. Right now, there's a chance you wisen up and continue, or give up and look back at this as a bad dream." A white creature-- no, more of a monster-- bounce atop of Kyouko's body that was beginning to settle down as she took deep breaths. "Though I don't understand the law of cycle and the happenstance of the soul gems, the fate of a magical girl is never a happy ending." Kyubey purrs, though his voice devoid of any human emotion it seems he takes delight in this one fact.

Kyouko sat up, annoyed at this fairy monstrosity grabbed him by its scruff and tossed it off the building. "Someday or some point, my fate will change," she smiles, wiping her eyes that are now puffed, "if this damn universe can rewrite itself as many times as it wants, then so can I."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in under 2 hours so it's most likely wonky or doesn't flow well, but it's short so I'll fix it some other time


End file.
